but for all these epiphanies, i'm still lost...

One of my favorite songs... pierced my heart the first time i heard it.




Mary Beth - Hold On

Time after time, feels like I'm fading away
Stopped on a dime, staring into space
And clarity comes, and clarity goes
But for all these epiphanies, I'm still lost, holding the roses

At the start of your life, are you given a golden key
To personalize, so carefully
And slowly you groove it, make it your own
And when you find where it fits well, swing it wide
And follow him home, examine his soul

And if the moment hums with something deep and low
Hold on, hold on
And if your timing comes like you're a single soul
Hold on, hold on....

I know it's hard, yeah, you've got a complicated scene
They tell you listen to your heart, yearh, whetever the hell that means
And whisper they may, but they will anyway
And it's you who'll be living each second in between
Confessions and awakenings
Streetcorner serenades, and midnight trains
Truthful fiction and the heart of things
Believing in the game

Time after time, feels like I'm fading away
Stopped on a dime, staring into space
And clarity comes, and clarity goes
But for all these epiphanies, I'm still lost, holding the roses.

swings and dreams...

Yesterday was my 30th birthday.

Tuesday was me and Steven's 5 year anniversary.

Time flies... there was so much I assumed I would have accomplished by now... successful career, house with a wrap-around porch, complete with rocking chairs, swings, and baskets of cascading geraniums and zinnias. Not to mention a husband, babies, vacation to the beach every summer. Oh, and a candy apple red mustang convertible - although my 7 year-old self would argue for a pink Cadillac.

I don't have any of these these things, with the exception of Steven, who will one day be my husband.

Still, I awake every day, and in the heart of my failed endeavors and the uncertainties that shaped my twenties, I am surrounded by people who love me.... and that, my friends, is more than enough.

So I say to my 30's (with the brave and flirty words of Pat Benetar) ... "hit me with your best shot!"

birth of a writer.

Poem by Christy Hagan, age 8.

Old Man Marley

Old Man Marley was a strange man indeed.
He claims he's done the boogie with a centipede.

No one knows just where he lives and survives,
Though many say he stays in a giant bee hive.

I can't imagine what will be this man's fate,
for he says he's built a highway up to heaven's gate.

He goes to church every Sunday but not in suit and tie.
Instead he wears purple underwear that he tried to tie-dye.

I really do hope that you never meet this man,
for he may offer to soak your dentures in a frying pan.



Gotta love the imagination of a third grader... I'm so glad my mom saved some of these from my grade-school days. If you thought this was crazy, you should read my short story "Uncle Herbert and the Gold Fish Farm" :)

blue sunday.

This is such a lazy Sunday... which I normally would love, but today I'm just restless. I have too much on my mind, and whenever I begin to relax, my synapses fire and remind me that there are things, BIG things to worry about.

For those of you who don't know, I am currently unemployed. I quit my job at the beginning of June, and considering the state of the economy it would seem to be a terribly stupid decision on my part. But, no one can understand what I was going through, and while I have no intentions of going into any details here, I will say that I reached a breaking point to which there was no going back or moving forward. I am at peace with my decision, and am doing my best to face the consequences of my actions.

I have applied for countless jobs, and each week is a mix of applications, phone calls, and hoping and praying that a door will open, even if it's just a crack. I have days where I feel exhausted and defeated, and the thought of doing it all again the next day seems so damned depressing. But, I have to have faith that something good will happen... it has to.

My blog title includes the statement: "happy and hanging by a thread." There is so much truth in those words, because even with my current state of stress and anxiety, I am happy, and for that I am lucky and thankful.

But enough of that... I hear thunder in the distance, and am looking forward to the rain it will inevitably bring, even if it's just a brief downpour. Perhaps it's time for a book and nap, both suitable for a lazy Sunday.

game on!

I think this is take 3 or 4 for me in terms of creating a blog. Of course, my previous adventures were presented anonymously, so sharing my thoughts/ramblings without the veil of anonymity feels very new, and very scary!

I do not fancy myself a writer, though I have been told I do have some talent. Pish-posh. Maybe I do, maybe I don't. I do know that I am substantially lacking in both vocabulary and grammatical skills, and I'm not seeking perfection on either of those points. If anyone visiting my blog has any grammatical questions, say on the correct usage of the colon or semi-colon... I would advise you to head to dictionary.com or some other reliable source. You won't find that here ;)

What you will find are little pieces of me... silly thoughts, ramblings, questions, frustrations, tears, laughter, music, maybe a picture or two (I promise to post more than just pictures of my cats haha) I'm not sure yet how often I will post or what sorts of entries will begin to fill it's pages. Regardless, I am here, and am looking forward to sharing and connecting to others, be it friends or strangers.

and so it begins...