headed north...

Steven has an appointment at the Cleveland Clinic on Monday. We're driving up Sunday and staying the night. It's not the first time we've headed to the land of Drew Carey and the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame, but hopefully this time it won't be snowing, therefore the street signs won't be covered with snow, and we won't get lost ;)

I am nervous. I think Steven is too. Most times I try to not think about his condition and how much he has to struggle on a daily basis. Even today, I fought back tears when talking with my mom about how much worse he has gotten. Plus, I don't want him to see my cry or worry about him. He always looks to me for assurance, and I never want to add any extra stress or concern to the situation.

I'll never forget the first time I saw Steven... he had conveniently "forgotten" to tell me about his leg and awkward limp, and I couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable. But, after a few minutes of his charming grin and happy-go-lucky demeanor, his limp faded into the background and I became enamored.

Even with his disability, he has always managed to get around fairly well, and usually refused to utilize a cane. Physical therapy helped promote strength in his legs, and was a weekly routine. Years went by, and things seemed to be going well in regards to his health.

But, a year ago things began to change. Little by little he started to struggle to find his balance, and was experiencing more and more pain in his legs. Physical therapy wasn't working anymore. His cane became his lifeline, and by the time fall arrived he was unable to walk more than a few steps without using the cane, wall, or myself to keep him afoot.

He still flashes that charming grin religiously, but for the first time since I have known him, he is worried too. We all are...

I don't even care about a diagnosis... he's been a mystery to doctors for years, no one truly understanding what caused the twisting of his knee and leg muscle. No doctor has ever been able to tell us why. I say screw the "why". Just give us some help, a solution, something to help him feel more solid on his feet.

He is such an amazing person... I want him to always be able to wrestle with his nephews in the living room floor, scare the crap out of me on the four wheeler, and head to his favorite fishing hole whenever his heart desires. I want him to have that freedom...

Maybe in a few days we'll have some answers... or at least a start.

Prayers, positive thoughts, and both fingers crossed....